Anne: Could caffeine contribute to this a little? I know people that had to actually GIVE UP coffee....
Doc: Well, tell me this...how much coffee do you drink in a normal day?
--patient shifts uncomfortably--
Anne: You don't really want to know that badly do you?
Doc: Actually, it would be useful to know.....
Anne: Um, about 6-8 cups, well sometimes. Depends on the day. Sometimes 8-10 I guess. Did I mention I work from home with a 2 & 3 yr old?
Doc: Well. That is a LOT especially for someone of your size and stature.
Anne: What about all YOUR Diet Coke..surely that is a lot of caffeine?
Doc: Actually, YOUR habit would equal about 14 Diet cokes a day
The appointment continued and, during his brief departure while I changed again, I snagged a magazine off the shelf ripe with those self-issue articles that can actually make a person sick just by reading them. Aha! Success! An article about how memory IMPROVES with caffeine intake...documented proof. Such luck.
Doc returned and I happily pointed out the it-must-be-medically-published-somewhere snippet of text.
Anne: Hey, I was just casually reading this If-You-Think-You-Have-Problems-Look-At-These-People magazine you conveniently left me to read and found THIS
Doc: Yes, but in small doses. SMALL DOSES.
Anne: Come to think of it, my memory is about that of a goldfish......
Doc: Look, you need to give up the coffee.
Anne: Okay, fine. Well, I can still have beverages like teas and hot chocolate. It won't be that bad.
Doc: Hot chocolate and some teas still have caffeine too.
Thankfully, we came to a gradual understanding. I step down the caffeine intake for two weeks and go from making a pot every morning and crying if the RO (Reverse Osmosis for those of you living in places the water is drinkable without socially unacceptable side effects) had an issue to sweetly and serenely making a SINGLE cup of coffee (or at least letting Eric have the rest). So far, so good. I can even remember where I parked the car....although when you live in Jordan, MT and park at the post office, you darn well better be able to find your car or there are bigger issues. And I'm only slightly cranky in the mornings. Only slightly.
Except I am almost out of Valentine's Day candy. Sees Chocolate to be more specific. And the local coffee shop is open all day tomorrow. ALL DAY. So if/when you see me in there enjoying a triple shot mocha sans children, let me live a little...or at least stall Doc for me until I can clear the evidence........