1) You will never be "Anne" and "Eric" again. Meet "Mom" and "Papa", whom for some strange reason find themselves referring to one another in the third person...despite whether or not Gwen is actually present.
2) When feeling particularly sorry for herself at the lack of sleep, Mom self-cures with a single episode of "John and Kate Plus 8."
3) Showers are not longer for hygiene purposes only....they are a luxury that goes well beyond the smell factor.
4) You can supply an entire army with food, clothing and undies (although perhaps non-traditional) out of a single bag.
5) You want to whack silly whatever engineer designed every carseat/stroller to be slightly different in mechanical operation.
6) Papa brings home not one, but TWO candy bars after deciding that Gwen might have kept Mom from working in increments longer than 20 minutes, tops.
7) You try to make lasagna and decide that you will merely pour the meat/sauce layer over the pasta and eat it, abandoning all hope of that nicely layered dish shown on the pasta package.
8) You thank the heavenly father for inspiring someone to invent a coffee pot with an auto-start timer (definitely wasn't the dufus that designed the strollers).
9) You suddenly understand those parents that seem to talk in code about objects in their homes (i.e. - lifesaver = rice cereal; spa = shower; cold=less than 70 degrees)
10) You can't remember what number 10 was going to be....so you make due with what you can remember!
AMEN!!! And again, I say AMEN.
ReplyDeleteTo all of the above. Are there Mommy nose prints on the window that faces the road that brings the Daddy home? Do you read other people's blogs, sometimes hourly, so it feels like you have contact with "the outside"? Have you dipped the chocolate bar in creamy peanut butter, rolled it in coconut and justified that as an energy bar?
Welcome to the club. I think you'll fit right in. (For those of us that don't get to shower, cyber-clubs are best, don't you think?)
Why shower when you could spend that time SLEEPING?? :) This is the mantra of all new parents.
ReplyDeleteOh Anne, I'm so glad the challenges of motherhood have only enhanced your sense of humor -- haha! What a great list! Especially loved #10. When I had kids, suddenly my mother's inability to remember anything made perfect sense.
ReplyDeleteYou must be functioning pretty well if you can remember to set said auto-start coffee pot...with filter and coffee in their rightful place. :)
ReplyDeleteYou will become Eric and Anne again when Gwen learns that you have a name other than Mom. Kinda throws them for a loop for a couple days and they wear your real name out. Then you become Mom again! ;-)
ReplyDeleteYou forgot the part about how much the topic of "poop" comes up in normal conversation... as in "Gwen, did you poop again?" "Is that a poopy diaper in the bottom of the garbage can?" "Has she pooped today?" and most importantly: "Eric it's your turn. I've already changed two poopy diapers today"
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